Yesterday I posted this photograph of myself after practice at Raj Yoga + Meditation.
If I could choose a photograph that tells my story best it would be this one right here.
When I was 12 years old I had my Bat Mitzvah and as my Mama and Papa do best, they nurtured my desire to get dolled up in preparation of that day, including getting my hair down and my eyebrows waxed for the first time. A simple shift, a change in grooming habits I suppose I could say that would lead to a spiral of pain and deep understanding of what is meant to find peace within.
After that first eyebrow waxing, I found myself plucking my eyebrows with tweezers, then picking my eyebrows for years. It became an abrupt shift from day one and a noticeable nervous coping mechanism, a way to release my stress, a physical activity that caused pain and also relief. Years of eyebrow makeup and face makeup to cover something that I felt couldn’t be stopped. Eye contact became hard especially during high school for I felt people were always noticing my distorted appearance and judging me which made me feel small.
Although the closest people in my life were aware of what was happening, it was something I tried to hide, I attempted to cover up, to mask away and in turn hoped it would go away. During my first 200HR teacher training in 2013, I shared the truth. The truth of what I was hiding and acknowledged that although my obsession didn’t look serious to what people shared with me, it was something that kept me from connecting me to myself. It kept me disconnected to what I felt was beautiful , to what I felt made me whole. The pain lessened as I shared, as I stopped covering the blank space above my eyes and began embracing myself, embracing the struggle that I was dealing with and promising myself that I would try. To work on choosing ease over pain and little by little over the past 5 years I have been able to heal.
During the last seven months as our baby girl continue to grow and evolve within, she continues to show me a new way to nurture my body, embrace change and show me the true meaning of what it means to love, starting with myself.
There is nothing to hide and as I see myself, I see my light and I know that it begins within.
I ask you to trust, to believe you are able to overcome any struggle that may seem completely overwhelming. We all have stories that have distorted the way we see ourselves and in order to rise above, we must first be able to recognize the problem.
This life, your life is too precious to settle for what is when you know and want what could be, even when it seems but only a flicker of light that you cannot touch. You hold the map, the compass and the light to lead the way to your greatest discovery yet.
Be willing and know.